Welcome to Heaven

Desdemona  20/06/2018 at 3.51pm  I can feel my mental pain evolve into physical pain. My stomach aches, my mind vibrates with discomfort and my eyes ache from the light around me. I want to hibernate in a dark room and sleep myself to recovery. I wait every single day to wake up feeling a little better like some sort of illness. No one properly understands an ultimate outsider. My body and my head are trying to make me completely unapproachable. I don't like to hear my voice on recording, it sounds very un-feminine. A lot of things about me are not feminine, and I feel like it makes me ugly as a girl. I don't get along with other girls, I feel like they don't understand me, my sense of humour or have a similar way of thinking to me. And I wonder if many people can understand me or if I'm just an outcast of the world. I crave validation and love and reassurance but then I feel like I'm not worthy of it.  HEART OR NO HEART I don't have a heart, I...

Longing and Bitterness "Desdemona Vuitton" I feel a lot of love, and I think that is my bitter curse and downfall in this world. My heart has endless compassion and romantic feelings for all the goodness and sugary positivity of life. Despite this, I have a lot of animosity for my own existence. I think this is because I have such long periods of grief that I feel like there will be no comeback from my periods of extended depression, and when my mind drifts to a nicer place it seems like euphoria. It is sad to think that someone else's simple content demeanour could be my euphoria. I feel manic. I think I've made myself manic in a way, because I've had to do s omething to escape from my downward slope. It's a dangerous slope, it's deadly and I know my mental condition can kill people, they take their own life because it's too much. And I feel that way myself. I feel like I could go that way, and I doubt that others would think much of my own dea...